Monday, April 12, 2004
BLOCKED

A level fees due next month. Gah. Its a huge sum of money and this makes me realise how much my parents are spending on my JC education. It would be a huge waste to see that money go down the drain. 4 subjects at 'A' Level, 1 at 'AO', 2 S papers, all amount to just below $550. WHOA. I could live for a few months with that kind of money.

I still remember HI Yong Ling telling me during my preparations for the 'O' Levels. "You pay so much money for your name and grades to be printed on that cert, might as well make your money worth to get a nice-looking one", with the occassional lahs and lors. Sigh. I miss her. She never stopped encouraging me, and I think its times like this when i need all the encouragement I can get. I don't want to impose on my parents, and then ending up not producing a good outcome of their good $550.

Had GP lecture this morning. I was just thinking about how my writing has deterioriated. This blog sounds so trivial as compared to my other blogs in the past. I used to blog with brains. Now I just blog with my fingers. Maybe if I had taken Econs instead of F maths, there would at least be some sense in my writing. I didn't want to take econs because I didn't want to go through the pain and suffering of memorizing countless number of points just for one stupid essay, in which you have to plan and structure and organize your points in a stated fashion. If you don't do it their way, you don't get the marks. I've had enough of social studies and history. (I was a history student. Believe it.) Oh, and those horrendous Literature essays. gosh. Essays aren't exactly my forte.

However, me not taking econs deprives me of practice of writing essays. Thus, I think I've lost my touch at writing. Shu Jun went from SAJC in first 3 months to Hwa Chong JC switching from double-math-chem combi to some arts combi cause she didn't want to lose the hang of writing essays, in preparation for GP. I'm thinkin, is it worth it? We hardly need to do essays for Chem and Physics, let alone Maths and F Maths. GP essays are but a bore. No wonder the GP teachers dread the Further Maths classes. Maybe our GP does suck. (with the exception of some, of course) We just can't write, maybe? Or we just lack that writers' spark. I dunno. shrugs.

Whatever it is, I'm starting to feel it. I feel like I've become paralysed when it comes to expressing myself on paper. (or in pixels, for that matter) I can be vocal, yes, thank God I've not lost my touch at expressing myself through talking. See, talking and writing are two completely different things, and I think I've lost my touch at writing. GP lessons are definitely not enough for one to get the hang of writing, or arguing. I think my writing is pretty much verbal diarrhoea. What I have to say is never organised, and it comes without much thinking. I don't put much thought into stuff that I pen down. I think that is my problem.

Yes? No? Whatever it is, I want to be able to write again!