Thursday, January 15, 2004
FEELING LIKE CRAP

Just got back from Adam Road after eating dinner with ba, ain, suff, zat and irwan. Still have 2 tutorials to do. Trying to do them, i think i can only manage one.

I'm feeling like crap now. My family's not helping to curb my rocketing stress level -- at all. Dad watches TV so loudly that i lose concentration really easily. My mum keeps nagging. I CAN'T TAKE IT. I finally said what i wanted to say to my parents. FINALLY. Just finished crying my eyes out. Told you I would just burst one day. I think I keep too much feelings inside. Perhaps my eyes would be swollen tomorrow. I don't care.

I had a good chat with Lydia just now. Talking about how stressed we are now, and how we've lost our aim in life. Its really true. I don't have an aim in life any longer. I used to, I think. I guess i have to focus on doing really well for my As, to hopefully get a scholarship and stop relying on my parents.

I don't think my parents understand the fact that i finish school at 5pm every freakin day and that i'm tired after that, and i've got commitments to MCS, thus i would be home late. They don't seem to understand that I'm but human, i need to rest, i need time to relax. I feel liike i don't even have time to study. I'm slacking too much. I'm behind in maths, and chem, oh don't even ask about physics. I can't cope with this. I really can't. But I'm not a quitter. I got myself into this whole JC shit, i'd better emerge from it victorious. Stress or not. They're really not helping me. Its sad to realise that even your own family brings you down when you're already down. Sometimes i feel like i should be just another face at home. I should mind my own business, meaning, i come home and shut myself in the room and start studying. the next day, I'd wake up and go to school. Those monotonous lifestyles. I would do minimal talking. Maybe i'd work better. No more little squibbles here and there. I'M SICK OF IT.

Surfed around a bit on one of my study breaks. I found this on Hirman's blog. Quite interesting. The results totally freaked me out. Go try it at ColorQuiz.com

Your Existing Situation
Feels obstructed in her desires and prevented from obtaining the things she regards as essential.

Your Stress Sources
An existing situation or relationship is unsatisfactory, but she feels unable to change it to bring about the sense of belonging which she needs. Unwilling to expose her vulnerability, she therefore continues to resist this state of affairs, but feels dependent on the attachment. This not only depresses her. but makes her irritable and impatient, producing considerable restlessness and the urge to get away from the situation, either actually or, at least, mentally. Ability to concentrate may suffer.

hmmm...

Your Restrained Characteristics
The situation is preventing her from establishing herself, but she feels she must make the best of things as they are.
Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Able to obtain physical satisfaction from sexual activity but tends to hold aloof emotionally.

Ignore the sexual bit will ya?

Your Desired Objective
Needs a way of escape from all that oppresses her and is clinging to vague and illusory hopes

maybe?

Your Actual Problem
Anxiety and restless dissatisfaction, either with circumstances or with unfulfilled emotional requirements, have produced stress. She feels misunderstood, disoriented, and unsettled. This drives her into a search for new conditions or relationships, in the hope that these might offer greater contentment and peace of mind.

-nods-