Tuesday, October 05, 2004
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Hey guys, earlier i wrote about my grandmother who was really ill right. Little did I know that that visit to her was my last. She passed away yesterday morning.

It was my first time witnessing the entire process. It was a real eye opener. You know how its different reading about the Niagara Falls or the Pyramids and seeing them in books and when you actually there and seeing it for yourself? It was something like that. This is the first death I've experienced in my entire 18 years of life. It wasn't easy. I saw her first at her ward in the nursing home. She looked so peaceful, so fair, so rested. Deep down inside I know I should be happy for her, but the loss was just too great. Relatives told me that I should redha and accept, but it was hard for me. I grew up with her.

Everything seemed so surreal. It was hard for me to believe that the woman who used to take care of me is now gone. My mum and a few others bathed her. Quite a number of us prayed for her at the mosque at Puasara Aman. My first time performing solat Jenazah. I witnessed her burial and i guess the crux of the whole process was the talqin. I couldn't stop crying when I heard these words

"Sebentar lagi dua malaikat akan datang dan menyoal Marrabbukka..."

I have never doubted my faith, and that Monday only made me surer of my faith.

I used to be afraid of dead bodies, but something propelled me forward to have my final look at her. After a while, i guess that fear just rubbed off because a while later, just after my grandmother was buried, another body came to occupy the grave beside my grandmother's. I no longer had that fear of dead bodies as I guess I finally settled down on the fact that death is but part and parcel of life.

There'll be a tahlil at my place this Sunday. Those who wanna come just sms me k.

Oh and we had a GP mock paper today. There couldn't be a more fitting topic. Death and Euthanasia. Hmm. Thanks.