Friday, January 30, 2004
Its been a long time!

It definately has been a long time since I updated my blog... ::sigh:: I'm getting sick of this layout. I'll change it soon, I guess. Gahhh... Like I said, I'm never satisfied. Ok, quick quick quick updates...

School's back in full force, I have to change my mindset. I'm now in SAJC as a second year student, someone from JC2, NOT JC1. So I have to stop slacking! (not that I slacked that much in JC1 last year... Grrr..) Like what Aik Hoe asked me the other day.. "Amylia, why you so slack this year?" I think I'm slack too. Felt more motivated after Halim gave me a pep talk on the way home together, yesterday. I think his words really woke me up. I really can't afford to slack now. I can't. I won't. See, I have even (drastically) reduced my blogging and MSN-ing hours! Life is becoming so monotonous for me.

S paper results were out sometime this week. I was granted to take 2 S papers, Maths and Chemistry.. Syukur Alhamdulillah... I know its not going to be easy juggling TWO S papers with my 4 A level subjects, plus I can't possibly neglect my loved ones around me... Friends, family and most importantly, God...'cause He's the only one who can help me through this, to see that I go through this whole "journey", and emerge unscathed. Unscathed -- hmmm.. i'm not exactly saying that I'm in a bad or dangerous situation, but, failure to plan and organise my time well could possibly lead me astray. I don't want that to happen. All my efforts would just go to waste. Darn waste. I really just tawakal and, of course, put in effort. I rest the remaining bits in His hands.

Ms Wong talked to the S paper candidates and I think what she said really scared me. But after today's ME lesson with Mr Desmond Ng who talked about "The Mindset of a Champion", I can't let what Ms Wong said scare me. Instead, I should take it as an encouragement to press on. "Take care and press on." Wise words that I'll always remember by Mr Loh, my math teacher in Sec4.

Its Friday night! And I'm at home blogging. Actually planned to do some studying... Physics test on Tuesday! Superposition, Electric Fields and Current of Electricity. Boo. With a Physics teacher like mine, hmm. I've decided to take a break from tutorials 'cos I finished them in school just now. I have two more to do, then I'll be ready for questions during tutorials. Life's a rush now. I hate it, but what to do? I've already got myself half buried in this JC thing. Less than a year to the A levels. The next 9 months are definately not going to be easy.

FMaths test results out! I got 23.5/25 which amounts to about 94% but still not good enough for my class 'cause apparently, three of my classmates got full marks. Yeap. Those scholars. Gahh. And when ranked against the entire FMath cohort, I'm 14th in place. I feel like I'm never good enough. Grrr. I think I shall stick to my plan for this year. I'm in the process of becoming a full-fledged nerd this year. I was half (ok...maybe three-quarters) of a nerd last year.

Reading some Physics stuff now, in the hope of "studying" for Tuesday's test.. I hope I can get my AAAB for Block Test1. InsyaAllah, if I work hard enough for it. Thinking about too many things that just distract me. I can't afford to falter. The onus is on me to secure a good future. I must press on.

Saturday, January 24, 2004
MUG-A-THON

I have planned to spend this 2-day CNY holiday + Weekend = 4 Days of holiday mugging my butt off. I feel like a nerd. So far, these days haven't been that well spent, but i've managed one tutorial a day. I think i shall start on the last matrices tutorial tonight, that is, if there's no distractions dancing in my face.

I've talked about distractions before, and i do not wish to talk about them again. MSN is the mother of all distractions. [heh..yeah...blame it all on MSN amy..] Can't help it. I can't help myself from chatting with people. I really can't. Someday, somehow, this must stop.

Its been raining rather heavily these past few days. I wonder why. Whatever it is, I hope this weather will stop, cos its just so uncondusive to study in rainy weather. It just makes you feel like being on your bed -- which, does not help at all. (and the rain's ruining my adidas dunks too! Grrrr...)

Will be going to Mrs Tee's house tomorrow. She invited the whole class over for lunch at her semi D in tanah Merah. Oh. She's a rich tai-tai. She's...rich. Ahhh... Wonder what my life would be in the future...? I was telling ba the other day, I wanna live in a studio flat. heh. and she laughed and said something about living with the old ah-mahs. heh. Either that, or, we could go ahead with our plan, which, is a sister plan of what the SJI mats planned. See, the mats planned to get an apartment at the Equatorial... so Ba and I thought, hey, why not? So we, the gilaminas will get an apartment just next door to the mats, and have BBQs everyday [??]. Haha! right. dream on amy, dream on. But i reckon it'll be fun. Loads of fun. heh.

Ok... I'm set to return to my mugging spree again...so, till i update again...

Wednesday, January 21, 2004
GOOD DAY!

Today was good, well spent, i must say. Our MCS tarian went really well, except that the selendang got caught in ba's and my sanggul (that metal thingy you stuff in your hair). Pics would be up soon. My class wrapped it all up when they screamed "Go Amylia!" at the end. Thanks, guys... I really appreciate it! =)

Had some pathetic MCS J1 orientation after the concert, and a good bath to rid my hair of the huge chunks of gunky gel that ba smeared whilst styling our hair. I must say she did an excellent job of styling our hair. thanks ba! Went out with Lyd, Ba, Zat, Mus, Halim, Wan, Is, Sam and Nas after the whole thing for lunch at some cheese prata shop. The food was good. The girls waited for the guys when they went to a nearby mosque for Zohor prayers.

Then we decided to be a little adventurous, we meaning me, Ba, Zat, Nas, Mus and Wan... We took any bus from that God-forsaken bus stop and had to endure Irwan's bad joke marathon... Gahh.. if you thought Ba's milk joke was bad, [haha...sorry ba!!!] Irwan's jokes were at least 4.558809 times worse than that. Bleargghhh..

Stopped at Orchard Road, and we all went to Lido, to talk more crap, and Mus was hungry.. like we just ate one hour ago..? Met Suff and Angelica there... Small world eh? I should think this was a really good day, with good company, that's all i need. Thanks guys, for a really good day today! Really enjoyed your company...

Oh, and wise words of the day... considering the fact that it actually came from an SJI guy >> Mus... "There is no metaphorical link between Islam and God. Its just a straight path." I thought that his words were indeed true, and very meaningful. Baik ah Mus.

Saturday, January 17, 2004
BITS

Listening to "Tourniquet" by Evanescence now... Feeling quite empty, aimless, dry... I think I lack vigour.

Been returning home awfully late the past few days. Managed to mug yesterday, despite the fact that i got home at eight... hmmm.. I feel like I'm neglecting my family, and worst of all, God. I'm too caught up in stuff like tarian that i'm beginning to forget the more important and defined things in life. I haven't been online for quite some time either. Oh, and I think i forgot how to operate my television set at home.

Went to school for CNY rehearsals just now. I think we pretty much screwed up our performance just now. heh. Lydia's just so darn cute. heh. Oh, and me and aizat were playing with Adam, the canteen makcik's grandson or somewhat equivalent relation. That 4 year old was so adorable and cheeky! He had soft curly hair... I like! and his skin is so soft! Ahhhh... I love kids! I think Adam really liked Aizat. haha! And Aizat would make a good dad. Just look at the way he plays with that kid. And Adam must be on cloud nine, i reckon, cos he was hugging almost everyone in the SC... ok, fine, me and aizat la. Gah... looking at that adorable kid makes me yearn for my own son. haha!

Oh! I just got a new scanner! and i will scan in my pics real soon... keep your eyes peeled for that yah. For now, I have to go bathe and start mugging again. FMaths test on Monday - Differential Equations and Polar Coordinates. I got a new calculator too! My old one's cranky, like me. I can't bear to part with the old one, cos it stood by me truthfully since sec1. bahhhHhhh!!

yup. later.

Thursday, January 15, 2004
FEELING LIKE CRAP

Just got back from Adam Road after eating dinner with ba, ain, suff, zat and irwan. Still have 2 tutorials to do. Trying to do them, i think i can only manage one.

I'm feeling like crap now. My family's not helping to curb my rocketing stress level -- at all. Dad watches TV so loudly that i lose concentration really easily. My mum keeps nagging. I CAN'T TAKE IT. I finally said what i wanted to say to my parents. FINALLY. Just finished crying my eyes out. Told you I would just burst one day. I think I keep too much feelings inside. Perhaps my eyes would be swollen tomorrow. I don't care.

I had a good chat with Lydia just now. Talking about how stressed we are now, and how we've lost our aim in life. Its really true. I don't have an aim in life any longer. I used to, I think. I guess i have to focus on doing really well for my As, to hopefully get a scholarship and stop relying on my parents.

I don't think my parents understand the fact that i finish school at 5pm every freakin day and that i'm tired after that, and i've got commitments to MCS, thus i would be home late. They don't seem to understand that I'm but human, i need to rest, i need time to relax. I feel liike i don't even have time to study. I'm slacking too much. I'm behind in maths, and chem, oh don't even ask about physics. I can't cope with this. I really can't. But I'm not a quitter. I got myself into this whole JC shit, i'd better emerge from it victorious. Stress or not. They're really not helping me. Its sad to realise that even your own family brings you down when you're already down. Sometimes i feel like i should be just another face at home. I should mind my own business, meaning, i come home and shut myself in the room and start studying. the next day, I'd wake up and go to school. Those monotonous lifestyles. I would do minimal talking. Maybe i'd work better. No more little squibbles here and there. I'M SICK OF IT.

Surfed around a bit on one of my study breaks. I found this on Hirman's blog. Quite interesting. The results totally freaked me out. Go try it at ColorQuiz.com

Your Existing Situation
Feels obstructed in her desires and prevented from obtaining the things she regards as essential.

Your Stress Sources
An existing situation or relationship is unsatisfactory, but she feels unable to change it to bring about the sense of belonging which she needs. Unwilling to expose her vulnerability, she therefore continues to resist this state of affairs, but feels dependent on the attachment. This not only depresses her. but makes her irritable and impatient, producing considerable restlessness and the urge to get away from the situation, either actually or, at least, mentally. Ability to concentrate may suffer.

hmmm...

Your Restrained Characteristics
The situation is preventing her from establishing herself, but she feels she must make the best of things as they are.
Egocentric and therefore quick to take offense. Able to obtain physical satisfaction from sexual activity but tends to hold aloof emotionally.

Ignore the sexual bit will ya?

Your Desired Objective
Needs a way of escape from all that oppresses her and is clinging to vague and illusory hopes

maybe?

Your Actual Problem
Anxiety and restless dissatisfaction, either with circumstances or with unfulfilled emotional requirements, have produced stress. She feels misunderstood, disoriented, and unsettled. This drives her into a search for new conditions or relationships, in the hope that these might offer greater contentment and peace of mind.

-nods-

Monday, January 12, 2004
I'M TALL

I love Mondays. It represents a new start, a clean sheet for a whole week of shit, that is, if you've got a timetable like mine. Had double-period PE. I love double PE, seriously! We took our height and weight today. I'm getting super heavy... now weighing 57kg. Whats the deal with "A girl's weight is a secret?" bullshit. Anyways, GUESS WHAT? Guess who's the shortest in my class?

ME

Sucks, ain't it? But as what Muthiah said, "Its okay lah Mylia, people don't appreciate you for ur physical attributes, but your character.." heh. well said, muthiah.He's the shortest guy in class, i think., but still taller than me. Everyone's like 160++, except me. I'm standing tall at 158cm. Whoopee.

We had an endurance run after that and I must say, it was a good run. 20 minutes to run at our own pace. Grace makes an excellent running partner. We managed 8 rounds in 20 mins, enjoying the jog. It was good.

Then came the gruelling lectures. Oh, something worth mentioning today. Physics practical. We had to do some circuit set up to determine the melting point of paraffin and had to immerse the thermistor into a beaker of ice. That Jasmine kept putting ice into my blouse! Argh. And when I squeal, its friggin loud. Everyone turned, cause they thought i was being miss calamity or something. So i guess Irwan learnt from Jasmine, cause he started putting ice down my blouse as well. argh. But like they always say, revenge is sweet. heh.

Oh, the day ended with a chemistry test, which I think Ramsden would be proud of. It was friggin difficult! Gahh. whatever.

Sunday, January 11, 2004
DELAYED PIC

My purpose of blogging today is, well, to put up this pic. heh.

(V₀ @ Grad Nite)
long live V_o heh! =)

Friday, January 09, 2004
SAINTESTRALIS - THE FINALE

:: small update. for some queer reason, i wasn't able to access blogger.com from my PC, thus, i couldn't blog. I cant stick to my resolutions.they can be recycled, i guess. Anyways, pardon the unviewable picture to the right of this screen, i've got to look for new hosting sites. ::

Today was the finale night for SAJC Orientation 2004. Wait- I'm supposed to be in J2, why am i still bothered about orientation? Ah. That's cause I'm doing it all for Irwan. V-nought got together again! I was really psyched by it. Really miss hanging out with those guys. But this time, we had an addition - Talib!

We performed four songs: Here Without you, Basketcase, Flavour of the weak and Stacy's mom! I would certainly say that this time, everything went smoothly, and we really enjoyed ourselves... a stark contrast from grad nite! It was really worth the while. The J1s were a great crowd. Enthusiastic, energetic young bunch of people. I like! Thanks to the Gilaminas - They actually stayed back to watch us perform! Our true, blue fans! I so love my clique.

Gah. Something that i'm not-so-proud of... When we were about to go home, the DJ played "This I promise you" whilst we(v-nought + talib + gilaminas) were walking along the track, some feeling just overwhelmed me, i guess. I can't exactly comprehend what it was either. I think when we were all waiting for Irwan at the hall walkway or something, I just broke down. I don't know why. Ba lent me her shoulder to cry on. Whatever it was, it felt good to cry. Maybe it was the song, the nightsky, the full moon, the gazillion stars shining down upon me, all the sh-t's that happening to me now all rolled into one. I'm an emotional wreck.

At least i know I have friends. thanks ba. so much. Thanks lyd too... for listening to my crap. so sorry. you 2 never know how much i can thank you all. Thanks Sam for watching us perform.

Ending with that really bad song,
"every word i say is true, this i promise you..."
bullshit. Promises are meant to be broken. (2001)

Monday, January 05, 2004
SCREW UP

Is blogspot up? or down? This is so frustrating.

Saturday, January 03, 2004
FINE... SO FAR

Ahh..the air of cyberspace. Smells so... nice. I haven't been chatting on MSN. I haven't been on the net for quite some time. (ok, ok, 2 days, maybe?) Sticking to my resolutions, i see. Oh yes. The best one-liner I've seen so far: Hirman's nick on MSN : hirman:my resolution is 800 x 600. bleah. haha! Act cute only. Oh, no.. i forgot, that guy's a natural.

First day of school was good. Better than i had expected. It was good to see my fellow 03S14 muggers back again. It was good to be the "elders" in school again. At least it felt good. Like the "kakaks" and "abangs" of SAJC. Started off with civics. then we had work to do. GAH! First day of school and we're already doing work. Oh yes. Speaking of work. I think i have the world's suckiest timetable. I finish at 5 everyday, except for Wednesday, cos its CCA day. ARGH. My schedule's really packed.

Met up with my crescent buddies @ Far East for dinner. It was fun la. Bitching, laughing, telling old stories. It was really fun. Really enjoyed their company, as always. We should meet up soon again k?

Ok. I shall stop blogging now. I've got work to do. So long cyberspace!